Jeffool.com

Yeah… I’ll never use italics again. They suck.

This isn’t an excuse mind you, just an explanation. I thought I could handle both the job and a game, but that didn’t happen. I find myself only working and sleeping (or trying to sleep,) with my time. So I thought “Hey, I’ll get a pal in on it. Working with a partner always makes it flow easier, and makes it easier to stay interested in something.” Alas, no takers. Everyone’s heard the statement along the lines of “if you’re not willing to see something through to the end, you’ll never make it.” If that’s true, I’ll never make it. That’s why I chose to go to a school to learn programming rather than teaching myself, I knew I couldn’t do it on my own. The second I had to use a double pointer I would’ve given up. I suppose in school I expected to find people there who wanted to forsake having a personal life, live on a diet of rice and noodle based foods, like in a commune-like apartment, and be the next id software, but I never did. They may have been there, but I didn’t meet them.

I’ve been putting off posting this for a while, and have multiple drafts of it written, but I guess it’s time. I announce my defeat in video games. Though sure, I’ll still write about them, and probably other stuff too if I can find the time now.

I suppose I’ll launch headlong into this ‘news’ thing now, seeing as that’s currently what pays the bills. And the bills are mounting up; thank you student loans. Odd how life works out, and how work lives out.

I’ve been away from this blog (and the net in general) for a bit. I looked at life and felt that I needed a change. I’ve been training for a new job. I work in local television in the production department and have for quite some time. I usually do studio camera for the evening news, but I’ve been trying to move to the news department and become a producer. So it began. I spent most of June and early July with few days off of work. The few days I didn’t come in two hours early for a little time to train, I came in four hours early to train and helping to cover someone elses shift. The morning show producer is leaving. I thought an evening show producer would take her show over, and I could vie for his. Well, he turned it down, and I considered my chances of getting the morning show to be zero, so I thought the chance had escaped me.

I sat down and, after much contemplation, decided to reinvest myself in games. Sure the news producing seemed like a safer bet to change life, but as that failed, my production job does leave me with more free time than producing would have. Something had to change in life, and I do love my games… It was settled. I would game.

I’ve been slacking a while in programming, so I began to ramp up for a couple of weeks. I emailed someone about an idea of theirs I’d always thought nifty and the chances of my making it a reality. They were okay with it; in fact they were supportive. (I consider them nothing less than a Gaming Bodhisattva.) I’ve even talked with couple of old friends about their willingness to go on this journey with me in making a serious stab at indy development. I talked with Microsoft about offering game(s) on Xbox Live Arcade. I’ve got a NDA on my dresser I have to sign and return before they’ll talk to me any more about the topic. And then last week I got offered the job producing the morning show.

Sunday I worked 3pm-midnight, and then I started my new shift Monday night of 10pm-7:30am. This job and getting used to the new sleep schedule is, in few words, kicking my ass. The show is a beast, but doable. But now I have to think about this new situation. I dove back into the gaming pool thinking that producing was off the table and that I would still have lots of free time from my production job. Now that I’m a producer, do I still want to pursue the game, or do I want to relax and see where the producing takes me over the next few years? The thought of relaxing is always tempting, isn’t it? It’s a bitch when the heart and head disagree. Obviously the heart says to quit my job and develop games full time, but I can’t afford that. The head says to relax, just produce, and enjoy life. That’s just dumb. So, I’m going to try both. … Wow, I totally didn’t expect to write that when I started this thing. I wonder if there’s a word for completely surprising yourself. I guess I’ll have to change the title of this post. (It was “MIA: Me”, and written to explain to all the folk I chat with where I’ve been. Working.) The game may just take a little longer now.