An Italicized Declaration

I’ve been away from this blog (and the net in general) for a bit. I looked at life and felt that I needed a change. I’ve been training for a new job. I work in local television in the production department and have for quite some time. I usually do studio camera for the evening news, but I’ve been trying to move to the news department and become a producer. So it began. I spent most of June and early July with few days off of work. The few days I didn’t come in two hours early for a little time to train, I came in four hours early to train and helping to cover someone elses shift. The morning show producer is leaving. I thought an evening show producer would take her show over, and I could vie for his. Well, he turned it down, and I considered my chances of getting the morning show to be zero, so I thought the chance had escaped me.

I sat down and, after much contemplation, decided to reinvest myself in games. Sure the news producing seemed like a safer bet to change life, but as that failed, my production job does leave me with more free time than producing would have. Something had to change in life, and I do love my games… It was settled. I would game.

I’ve been slacking a while in programming, so I began to ramp up for a couple of weeks. I emailed someone about an idea of theirs I’d always thought nifty and the chances of my making it a reality. They were okay with it; in fact they were supportive. (I consider them nothing less than a Gaming Bodhisattva.) I’ve even talked with couple of old friends about their willingness to go on this journey with me in making a serious stab at indy development. I talked with Microsoft about offering game(s) on Xbox Live Arcade. I’ve got a NDA on my dresser I have to sign and return before they’ll talk to me any more about the topic. And then last week I got offered the job producing the morning show.

Sunday I worked 3pm-midnight, and then I started my new shift Monday night of 10pm-7:30am. This job and getting used to the new sleep schedule is, in few words, kicking my ass. The show is a beast, but doable. But now I have to think about this new situation. I dove back into the gaming pool thinking that producing was off the table and that I would still have lots of free time from my production job. Now that I’m a producer, do I still want to pursue the game, or do I want to relax and see where the producing takes me over the next few years? The thought of relaxing is always tempting, isn’t it? It’s a bitch when the heart and head disagree. Obviously the heart says to quit my job and develop games full time, but I can’t afford that. The head says to relax, just produce, and enjoy life. That’s just dumb. So, I’m going to try both. … Wow, I totally didn’t expect to write that when I started this thing. I wonder if there’s a word for completely surprising yourself. I guess I’ll have to change the title of this post. (It was “MIA: Me”, and written to explain to all the folk I chat with where I’ve been. Working.) The game may just take a little longer now.